Heaven's Tiny Angels

As I sit here thinking about the up coming holidays, I started to think about what they really mean to me.  For me its not about the gifts, actually I hate shopping, and I don't really need anything, so there is no need for hubby to honestly buy me anything.  For me the holidays are about spending time with my family.  Sitting around the Christmas tree and laughing and talking together.  This past Sunday we decorated for Christmas and I actually had all 3 of my guys helping, my hubby, stepson and son, although distracted by the football game they still helped me, which was a first in a long while.  I enjoyed my time with them so much.  So often we tend to look at the hardships in life instead of our many blessings, so as we enter this holiday season, I would like to reflect on all of the things that I have been blessed with.  I have a husband that loves and adores me, and he makes me feel so complete.  And my son is such an amazing young man.  I still find it hard to believe after 15 years that he's actually mine, my miracle, that I thought I would never be able to have.  Sure I could feel sorry for myself, since I wasn't able to have any more children, but the truth is, I was blessed to have him and so very thankful that he is healthy and happy.  We have had to struggle financially the last few years, this economy has been tough on my hubby's business, but even still we have a beautiful home that we can be thankful for.  And to top it all off we have our own little zoo with 4 dogs and 6 cats, they are all such a joy to have and keep us all so busy.

And then ofcourse to top off my many blessing is my art, reborning has truely been a blessing for me.  Now that Zane is a teenager, mommy isn't needed a whole lot, and yes I miss my little boy needing mommy, but I love seeing him so independent, so my babies keep me busy.  I also enjoy all of the wonderful friends that I have made through my art.  With each baby I create I learn so much, its so much fun to hear the new mommys reaction when their babies arrive home. 

So as we all approach this busy and hectic time of year, take a few moments yourself and reflect on all of the many blessings in your life.

Many Hugs,

Tracy

     What a refreshing feeling it is to finally realize that all things do happen for a reason. Maybe it’s me getting older, or maybe it’s the fact that I truly feel content with life, whatever it is, I can honestly say that I have found peace with the loss of my son 16 years ago. It took many years to be able to say that, and so very many tears. There was a time I couldn’t look at his picture without the flood of tears, but now I look at it often, with a smile of the proud mommy, I truly am. I’ve never been one to feel sorry for myself, but losing Josh completely changed me. Our grieving takes us in different directions, and for years I was always searching for someone to talk to about my angel, and somehow I found that here on the internet, being able to talk so completely about him, without the uncomfortable looks, totally opened my eyes to what I needed to heal. It took 13 years, but finally I was finding myself including my Josh into normal conversations with everyone around me. The people that are close to me started to understand and I started to finally heal. Now my angel is always apart of my life.

     As for the reason, well actually I see many. First I believe God knew that at 19 taking care of a special child would be so very hard, not that I wouldn’t of welcomed it, but instead I was blessed with a healthy son a year and a half later. Sure there were times I wondered what it would have been like to watch my two boys grow up together, but would Zane of been here, if Josh didn’t go to Heaven? Second I learned to appreciate the miracle my Zane truly is, the life I was blessed to take care of, is truly a blessing that sometimes is taken for granted. Third, as fast as children grow, and as much as I long to have more, my angel is my forever baby, the little boy that I can look forward to holding, when my times come. And fourth learning to heal my own heart has also helped me to reach out to comfort others.

     At this time I am now working on my 4th memorial angel baby, with each one I find myself connecting completely with the angel that I am creating. I find myself bonding with a baby I’ve never met, but yet that bond is still so very real. My life is touched with each of there stories and my heart goes out to all of their families. And as I work on each of them, I hope that this sweet little doll will give a least a little comfort, to the mommy I am making it for. Nothing will completely heal our broken hearts, until we finally realize that all though our angels can not be seen, they are always here with us. And it’s not until we learn to watch and listen with our whole hearts, that we finally do realize that. For me my Josh is the sun that warms my face, the star that shines the brightest at night and the love that holds our family together. He is a part of me that can never be taken away, and is always here to listen and comfort me when I need him.

     If you have read this completely, I hope you find yourself thinking about the things that I have said. We all have crosses to bear in life, but for each cross we carry, there is a reason, and a lesson to learn. Life is what we make of it, and I plan on living mine as happy as I can. Reflecting on only the heartache and challenges only takes away all of the good things life has to offer.

Take care my friends.

Angel Hugs,

Tracy

     As I sit here today updating my website, I figured I would update all of you about myself.  As some know this past year has been a little rough for me medically, but I am happy to say that it is now 3 months since my hysterectomy and I am doing incredible.  Yes, I am finally back to being me, no more pain and just feeling great. 

     Zane will be finishing up 9th grade in a month, it is so hard to believe my baby is so grown up.  I sit and look at him now and can not get over how mature he is getting.  Not only is he taller than me, but the little boy is now starting to look like a man.  Sometimes I miss my baby, but I'm also looking forward to watching him become an adult.  I'm excited to see his first real girlfriend, his Prom and starting college.  I just know that he will make something of himself, and that alone is such a great feeling. 

     I had thought that once I was feeling better I'd be able to create more of my babies, but actually lately that has not been the case.  Spring is here and now that I can actually get up and play, I'm finding myself out and about with my wonderful hubby, instead of staying in and working.  Not that, that is a bad thing.  My poor hubby was so patient with me, his heart broke to see me hurting, and finally being able to spend so much time having fun with him is so important to me.  He deserves my attention, considering he showers me with his. 

     I hope all of you are finding life to be wonderful.

Sending Angel Hugs,

Tracy

The past few weeks I got to work on my very first memorial reborn.  I can�t begin to tell you how special this baby has now become to me.  I have studied this little angels pictures so much since the first day her mommy asked me to create this special reborn.  Little Olivia is one of the most beautiful angels that I have laid eyes on.  Her mommy misses her so much and I hope this special memorial doll will give her something to hug and to remember Olivia forever.  I know some think it is strange to have a doll made to remember our angels, but like I�ve said so many times, we are not trying to replace our angels, we are only trying to create a very special memory that we can share with others.  And I know for Olivia�s mommy she wants to be able to share this with her son and the sweet little one in her belly right now.  I feel so completely incredible being able to make this angel baby.  And I feel blessed that Olivia�s mommy picked me to do this for her.  I always put my heart and love into each one of my babies, but for this one, I totally feel a connection.  I want her to be so perfect and besides the excitement of creating her, I have found myself so excited to dress her like the sweet little princess she is.  I have picked out to outfits for her to go home with, a special little dress made for her tiny size and a snuggly little sleeper to keep her warm.  I even found the sweetest pink blanket with an angel teddy on.  Last night I finished painting her and I just couldn�t stop looking at her.  I painted her different than most of my babies, I tried to create a very peaches and cream look and I�m thrilled with how perfect she turned out.  Her little fingers and toes look so cute, but her face is the thing that pictures will never do justice, because in person it looks so real, the coloring really looks like a new baby.  Tonight I start to put her together and I get to start on her hair.  I know her mommy is excited about the hair, it is what makes them really start to come to life and I found the softest, prettiest hair, that feels and looks just like a newborn.  I�m really feeling good about this angel baby and I can�t wait to share her with all of you.  Her mommy has made me feel so good with all her thank yous and kind words, she truly is a wonderful woman and an incredible mother.  Thanks for reading my little blog, just wanted to share my excitement.

Angel Hugs,

Tracy

I figured I'd start my first blog by telling all of you how much I love bringing these little angels to life.  Te me the art of reborning is just amazing.  I fall so completely in love with each one of the babies I work on.  I'll be listing my second little angel on ebay this weekend and although it's hard to let him go, I'm excited to see what others will think of him.  I may be new to reborning, but when I work on my babies I put my whole self into them.  I'm probably my hardest critiq, I want them to be perfect.  Starting to work on these angels has been so good for me, in so many ways.  Two months ago I lost one of my babies, I special little dog, named Tabitha.  She was at the groomers and some how they left her escape.  Two months later, we still go out handing out fliers and looking for her.  We refuse to give up on her.  But being able to put my energy into these little dolls, has helped keep me calm when I feel like I'll going crazy missing her.  Tabitha was like our daughter and not having her here, has been so completely heartbreaking, but being able to concentrate on something so special, as creating a little angel for others, makes me feel blessed.  Tonight I started working on my first custom order, I'm so excited to be able to give someone the special baby that they have been looking for.  The only problem is, I want her perfect, so I'm being really hard on myself right now.  So please wish me well, I know if I take my time, she'll come out perfect.  Well time to go for now, wishing all of you well.

Sending Angel Hugs To All,

Tracy